Happy Cancer Girl

A Happy Girls Journey with Cancer

Quick Update

Hi everyone, I’m here to give you a quick update, but will provide better information in the future when I am feeling better. My surgery went well, everything looks good and pathology will be back in a few weeks. I was on a lot of drugs at the hospital and now that I’m not on massive pain killers I’m feeling sore. I was released from the hospital on Sunday and am going tomorrow for a check up and to have the staples removed. I’m really tired, and going to the hospital tomorrow will be the first time I’ve left the house since I’ve returned!

Have a great day and I will blog at you again next week!

Advertisements
7 Comments »

Nervous Nelly

We were hit with another snowstorm this weekend, it really looks like winter outside now. It would be better if it looked so wintery in December, but I’m sure there are some people who are actually enjoying the snow! Owen and I did manage to go to the movies once this weekend, unfortunately the movie wasn’t great. We went to see Beautiful Creatures which is based on a book written by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, which I really enjoyed, but the movie wasn’t nearly as good.

The rest of my weekend was spent by me being a little bit frantic. I want this surgery to be over with because the waiting is going to give me an ulcer! I’m having a hard time sleeping (last night I had a terrible dream where I was pregnant…seemed kind of cruel), and the smell of food is making me feel sick (sounds like I could be pregnant, but I’m not), and I’m having daily migraines because of the stress. I know that I will be fine and I will get through the surgery, but I can’t seem to calm my nerves!

The video I am posting today is for the song Stutter by Marianas Trench, if you haven’t heard it you really should listen. The song is great, but it’s the beat that I really like. I feel like it is a good representation of what is going on in my head right now…remember the beat not the words! 🙂 Let the last kitchen dance party begin!

3 Comments »

The Day of Should Have’s

Today was the day I should have boarded a plane headed for Cuba, but I had to cancel the trip because cancer reared it’s ugly head in my body. Today should have been the day of my surgery, but it got pushed out until the 20th. Today should have been a big day wether on a plane headed for warm sunny weather and glasses of daiquiri’s or laying on a table in a cold operating room…I kind of feel let down.

However it is Friday, I’m allowed to drink alcohol until Sunday, I have a vitamix and rum, all I need is banana’s and then I can celebrate my life with Owen and that will make this weekend pretty perfect. This is also the last weekend that I will be feeling good for a while, so Owen and I are going to spend it together. We don’t have much for plans except going to the movies…maybe even going twice, which is kind of lame, but we want to see two different movies and chances are I won’t feel like going to see a movie anytime soon.

I will blog next week, but my posts will probably be short and to the point…as it will be a busy week. Monday I will be getting ready to go to the hospital, and will be taking Georgia to Owen’s parents. I hate leaving her behind, she gets so sad when we drop her off, but she does love spending time with her Grammy Beth. Tuesday we will head to Halifax and probably do a little shopping at Dartmouth Crossing, hopefully it will keep my mind off things. Wednesday will be a long day, right now my surgery is planned for 1:30, but it won’t be confirmed until the day before. After that, my posts may be funny with my drug filled brain running the show!

The song below is called Toes by the Zac Brown Band, I listened to it a lot when I booked our trip to Cuba…I will listen to it today and dream about having my toes in the water and ass in the sand! Have a good weekend!!

18 Comments »

Happy Valentine’s Day

It’s that time of year again when everyone expresses their love for one another! I haven’t really been a big fan of Valentine’s Day in the past. I don’t think there needs to be a special day to tell someone you love them. But, Owen and I do recognize it as a day to buy each other a card and to have a special meal. Once a year we have cheese fondu, it’s so delicious and decadent that we choose to only have it on Valentine’s Day.

I hope you all have a good day, let your family, friends, spouses and children know that you love them.

Owen, I love you and I’m sure I love you more today then I ever thought possible. You are my rock, the constant in my life, my compass when I’m not sure what is right. With your love and support I know that I can survive this challenge in my life, thank you for being my one true Valentine!

2 Comments »

Funny Conversations to Help Me Sleep

As my surgery day gets closer, I am having a harder time sleeping at night. I read until my eyes are tired and then I toss and turn and think. I have a terrible habit of doing this when things are up in the air in my life. Before my wedding, when things were hectic at work, before my last surgery. Not falling asleep isn’t even the bad part, once I do fall asleep I have bad dreams. I wouldn’t call the dreams nightmares, because I think of nightmares as grotesque horrors…the dreams I have are just bad. Before my wedding, I used to dream that Owen died, I didn’t dream his death, just in the dream I knew that he had died and I was all alone. During a particular rough patch at work, I used to dream about giving performance reviews that weren’t going well, or conversations with clients that always turned out bad. My latest set of bad dreams, is dreaming that Owen has left me. Just to be clear, our relationship is rock solid and he wouldn’t leave me. I assume that I am feeling some guilt over the fact that I have to have a hysterectomy, although it’s not my fault…I still feel bad.

I tend to have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. Facebook is great for keeping in touch with people that I can’t see all the time…or maybe it’s great because I’m nosy and love to see what is going on in other peoples lives! But on the other hand, I find lots of things really annoying, like the constant complaints or the status’ where it seems like people are begging for some sympathy. Last night I had the pleasure of bantering back and forth with my sister and Krissy (a wonderful gal that I grew up with). It all started because Rachel had a status on Facebook that said “Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.” I knew that there was nothing seriously wrong, so I told her to take some ibuprofen and to go to bed, which somehow ended up with me telling her to respect her elders (she’s only a few years younger then me), and then lots of laughs over an extremely inappropriate comment I made about Adam Levine. Have you seen this guy…complete eye candy!

adam-levine-28

 

It made me think about how you can not see certain people for long periods of time, but when you do finally get a chance to talk it’s like you were together last week. No matter how much time passes we will always be the girls who spent more time together growing up then we did alone.

Facetime is another thing I have a love/hate relationship with. I love that I can have a face-to-face conversation with people, it feels like we are sitting down and having coffee together, but at the same time, I feel like every single little imperfection on my face is highlighted! After our Facebook chat last night, I had a Facetime chat with my sister. Although I spent most of the time looking at her ceiling (because she was eating), it was nice being focused on our conversation. The best part was when Marlee woke up and talked to me for a bit. She asked me to pick her up, which I thought was super cute. She then had to give me, Owen and Georgia all kisses before I was able to hang up.

Last night I slept without dreaming bad dreams, so if we’re friends on Facebook, feel free to engage in some inappropriate banter with me because apparently it will help me sleep!

I’m going to link to two different songs on You Tube today because it feels like a 2 song day! First is rap music, so if your not into rap don’t bother listening to it. It’s called My Life by 50 Cent feat. Eminem and Adam Levine. I’m not a big fan of 50 Cent, but I love Eminem and of course Adam Levine, so enjoy:

 

The second song is Payphone by Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa just because I like it, and well Adam Levine is the lead singer! 🙂

 

4 Comments »

Sweet Serendipity

Serendipity is not a word that I often use. I would normally say lucky. However, last week one of my aunts came to visit and she brought me some very lovely presents. One of the gifts was a teal throw that she thought I could take to the hospital with me. I told her it was perfect and that teal is the colour for ovarian cancer. She didn’t know that and said that it was serendipity…indeed it was.

Serendipity, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it. One day last week I was in a pretty bad mood and decided to go grocery shopping. After I was done shopping I went to Starbucks. Sitting in a comfy chair was an old friend I haven’t seen in a couple years. It was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits. A hug and great conversation…sweet serendipity.

Good things happen when I need them most, flowers from my family, a visit from my parents, a phone call from a loved one, lunch/dinner with a friend, coffee with someone I don’t see often enough, a hug from Owen. I know in the past I have said cancer is lonely, but it’s lonely in the sense that no one knows exactly how I feel or what it’s like to go through this. But…I am not alone, I have family, friends and loved ones, and I am building a cancer connection with people I have never met who help me get through the days!

I don’t know where my life is going to take me, but I have faith that something is watching over me and good things will happen when I need them. I know that I want to use my experiences to do something good and in time I will figure out what it is exactly I should be doing.

I’m often thinking about what I will write for my next post and what music will go along with it. Sometimes I hear a song that will inspire a post. Last night my sister called and I was talking about the visit I had last week with my Aunt Mimi and serendipity blanket she gave me, and Rachel (my sister) asked if I’ve heard the song Sweet Serendipity by Lee DeWyze. I told her no, and googled it, because that’s what I do. The song is perfect for this post! Have a listen, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

6 Comments »

OMG I Have Cancer!

Although I had a good weekend, I had some moments that had me feeling really down. I think it all started with pre-op. The nurses at the hospital were really great and I felt comfortable there, which was nice. While talking about my surgery and the medications I take the nurse compared having a hysterectomy to having a c-section. I wanted to punch her in the throat, because I will never know what it’s like to have a c-section. Although maybe the incision is the same, I think the surgery’s are different…with a c-section you get a baby, with a hysterectomy you get menopause. Don’t get me wrong, I think recovering from a c-section is likely difficult when you have a new baby to look after also. They say the best way to heal is to move around a lot and to sleep….that also must be hard with a new baby. I just don’t think it’s fair to compare a c-section that takes 30-40 mins (although I’m sure some take longer) to my somewhat complicated hysterectomy that is scheduled to take 3.5 hrs.

I also realized at the hospital that all the paperwork said I was having a hysterectomy (which makes sense because that’s why I was there), but it also said I have ovarian cancer. It was the first time I’ve actually seen it written down on paper…on medical documents. When I read it, it was like “Holy shit, I have cancer!”. I received my diagnoses two months ago, but seeing it on a medical document made it more real.

I don’t know if my dark moods the past few days have to do with pre-op, my upcoming surgery (in 9 days), or just the fact that I have cancer. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, for what I’m about to lose. I feel sorry for Owen, because there is nothing he can do but sit and watch it happen, and he too is losing a lot. I’m a little angry that this is even happening to me. I made the mistake of looking at all the statistics, as a Canadian woman you have a 0.1% chance of having ovarian cancer right now, in your life time you have a 1.7% chance of getting ovarian cancer. To pull myself out of my dark moods, I had to think about how lucky I really am. Ovarian cancer tends to be a hard cancer to beat because 75% of women get diagnosed in a late stage. I know I am in the early stages (actual stage TBD after my surgery). I have to lose my uterus, but I will survive this and will get to live a happy and full life.

I had someone recently leave a comment on one of my posts and he directed me to a song on youtube that he wrote for his sister-in-law who was diagnosed with breast cancer. I listened to the song and was amazed that this guy was able to write a song that really summed up how I feel some days. Thank you Thomas for sharing this with me, I’m glad I am able to share it with the blog world.

12 Comments »

Next Stop, Pre-Op

The time has come for my pre-op, which means more tests, more blood work and more scans. Other then that, I don’t really know what to expect, besides the many hours I am going to spend at the hospital. I am glad that I get to go and see the hospital though, because I haven’t been there before, so at least I will get a feel for the place I will be staying in a couple of weeks.

Yesterday I had a lovely visit from one of my aunt’s. It occurred to me that when I wrote yesterday’s post I left out my aunt’s. I am thankful for all of them (and I’m lucky to have many), they have been so kind and caring. I have had the chance to talk with many over the last couple of months and I feel as though we have this chance to get to know each other in a more adult setting. My parents also came to visit me yesterday which was great, I love to have my family with me!

The weather is supposed to be yucky over the next couple of days, so I will likely be snowed in and won’t be able to return home until Sunday. We have wonderful friends who we are able to stay with, so I’m sure we will make the best of the bad weather!

Have a great weekend!

8 Comments »

I Feel Lucky

I am a lucky person, let me count the ways. I think everyone goes through a rough patch and times in their lives where they think things can’t possibly get any worse. We have things happen where it’s really hard to think about all the good stuff that is still going on around us. If you’re having a really shitty day, stop and think about something positive, because no matter how bad your day is, something good probably happened also.

As I have mentioned before I am going to Simply for Life, it’s not just about changing your eating habits, or getting more exercise, it’s also about your mental health and thinking about the positives in your life. Bruce has asked me to write down 3 positive things about my day each night before I go to bed. 3 things that you are thankful for…try it tonight, I dare ya! 🙂

I received a book yesterday called “You are Not Alone” from Ovarian Cancer Canada, and as I was reading through it I started to feel overwhelmed. The book did say don’t read through the whole thing, read sections when you need them…but I’m not like that, I really want all of my information at once. I was reading about the effects of surgical menopause and also the effects of chemo and it was down right depressing. I had to stop myself from going into that downward spiral and started to think about the good things about my day, the best part of my day was when I ran into a friend at Starbucks. We were able to sit down and have coffee and catch up and it was wonderful.

Today I wanted to say, I am lucky and I am thankful for each day that I get to be alive. I have a wonderful husband who is supportive and so very kind. I have parents who love me and want to be here for me. In-laws who call and see how I am doing and who will look after Georgia when ever she needs a place to stay. A sister who Face times with me so I can see the kids. Sisters-in-law who call and talk and who I know are there for me if I need them. Nieces and nephews who let me love them and brighten my day by just thinking about them. Cousins who call or write and show their love. Friends…so many friends have reached out to offer their support. Facebook can be a curse, but it can keep you in touch with those that you can’t see everyday.

So please know this, you are a positive in my life every single day and I thank you for that….every little thing is gonna be alright!

 

15 Comments »

Paging Doctor Google

I have a terrible habit of googling any medical problems I may have. I don’t know why I do this, although I know I’m not alone. Maybe because it is so hard to see a doctor whether you go to a family doctor, an after hours clinic or the emergency room. The funny thing with google (or not so funny thing) is you will almost always find a site saying you need to see a doctor immediately, you may be dying. After my surgery I was concerned about my belly button. It looked gross, and I didn’t know how to tell if it was infected. I actually picked up the phone and called Telecare and asked them. So I guess it’s a good sign, if I really think something is wrong I usually go to a medical professional and not Dr. Google.

The problem I am having now is I don’t know if something small could possibly be something big. Aches and pains I wouldn’t have paid attention to before, seem like maybe they could be a bigger deal. A few weeks ago I was having a pain in my wrist, nothing serious, and I thought it was because I was using my computer a little more frequently. Shortly after the wrist pain went away, I noticed my hand was swollen when I was waking up in the morning. The swollen hand in the mornings continued for about 2 weeks, some mornings I had to actually roll my hand against the bed to make a fist. Yesterday I noticed that on top of the swelling, my arm feels heavy and now today I have an ache in my shoulder.

I mentioned this to Owen last night, I honestly didn’t think anything of it. He asked if I had googled it, because that is usually the first thing I do. I hadn’t, but I grab my iPad and started a google search. I found all kinds of stuff, sodium intake (I don’t eat a lot of salty foods) and water retention. I only have a problem in one arm and think that if it was water retention it would be both arms and ankles. Carpal tunnel is an option but I don’t have any tingling in my hand so I don’t think that is it either. The one thing I found that I am actually concerned about is Lymphadenopathy, which is a condition associated with enlarged lymph nodes.

I would call my family doctor if i still had one. He was a great doctor, and I’m sure he would help work out whatever is wrong. I could always call the after hours clinic, but I find they always tell me that they can’t help me, unless it is a prescription refill. My last option is to go to the emergency room. I don’t like going to the ER because to me it requires an emergency and is a sore arm that big of a deal? If I did go, do I tell them at registration that my hand is swollen in the morning, my shoulder is a bit sore, and oh by the way, I have cancer. I have an appointment in Halifax on Friday for my pre-op and I’m sure I will let the nurse know what is going on, but they will probably tell me that I should see my family doctor…which I don’t have. It’s a viscous cycle. In all reality, I will probably give Telecare a call and see if it’s something I should have looked at, because Dr. Google isn’t really helping.

DrGoogle

4 Comments »