Happy Cancer Girl

A Happy Girls Journey with Cancer

OMG I Have Cancer!

on February 11, 2013

Although I had a good weekend, I had some moments that had me feeling really down. I think it all started with pre-op. The nurses at the hospital were really great and I felt comfortable there, which was nice. While talking about my surgery and the medications I take the nurse compared having a hysterectomy to having a c-section. I wanted to punch her in the throat, because I will never know what it’s like to have a c-section. Although maybe the incision is the same, I think the surgery’s are different…with a c-section you get a baby, with a hysterectomy you get menopause. Don’t get me wrong, I think recovering from a c-section is likely difficult when you have a new baby to look after also. They say the best way to heal is to move around a lot and to sleep….that also must be hard with a new baby. I just don’t think it’s fair to compare a c-section that takes 30-40 mins (although I’m sure some take longer) to my somewhat complicated hysterectomy that is scheduled to take 3.5 hrs.

I also realized at the hospital that all the paperwork said I was having a hysterectomy (which makes sense because that’s why I was there), but it also said I have ovarian cancer. It was the first time I’ve actually seen it written down on paper…on medical documents. When I read it, it was like “Holy shit, I have cancer!”. I received my diagnoses two months ago, but seeing it on a medical document made it more real.

I don’t know if my dark moods the past few days have to do with pre-op, my upcoming surgery (in 9 days), or just the fact that I have cancer. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, for what I’m about to lose. I feel sorry for Owen, because there is nothing he can do but sit and watch it happen, and he too is losing a lot. I’m a little angry that this is even happening to me. I made the mistake of looking at all the statistics, as a Canadian woman you have a 0.1% chance of having ovarian cancer right now, in your life time you have a 1.7% chance of getting ovarian cancer. To pull myself out of my dark moods, I had to think about how lucky I really am. Ovarian cancer tends to be a hard cancer to beat because 75% of women get diagnosed in a late stage. I know I am in the early stages (actual stage TBD after my surgery). I have to lose my uterus, but I will survive this and will get to live a happy and full life.

I had someone recently leave a comment on one of my posts and he directed me to a song on youtube that he wrote for his sister-in-law who was diagnosed with breast cancer. I listened to the song and was amazed that this guy was able to write a song that really summed up how I feel some days. Thank you Thomas for sharing this with me, I’m glad I am able to share it with the blog world.

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12 responses to “OMG I Have Cancer!

  1. Amanda says:

    Hey Girl! I think that you are absolutely amazing and its ok to have bad days with the good, it proves that you are human. You are right, you are strong and will beat this and will live a long life 🙂 sending hugs your way ❤

  2. Robin says:

    Hi Renee,

    As somebody who works in healthcare, I sometimes say things to clients that I think will be helpful and comforting but have the opposite effect. I think it would be important for you to give sme feedback to that nurse and let her know how you felt. Her intentions may have been good but the outcome not so much and she needs to know that so she doesn’t say something like that to another patient.

    Stay strong. You will have dark days. Look to those around you an deep inside yourself to find the light.

    Xoxo
    Robin

    • Thanks Robin. I guess I didn’t say anything because I think I am overly sensitive. Most woman going in for the same surgery would be older and had children. She didn’t know that I haven’t had a family. I was just taken aback by what she said.

      • Robin says:

        Which is exactly why she needs that feedback. You can still do it after the fact…but only if you think it would be helpful (to you and/or future young women going through this surgery). I welcome that feedback because it makes me more conscious of my words and how they might affect my future clients. You are not overly sensitive. You are human.

  3. Robin says:

    Hi Renee,

    As a person who works in healthcare, I sometimes say things to clients that I think might be helpful and comforting and instead have the opposite effect. I think it would be helpful for you to give that feedback to the nurse. She may have had good intentions and she needs to know how that made you feel so that she doesn’t say it to another patient in the future.

    Also – there will be dark days – that’s a given. Look to the light of other around you and deep inside yourself to get back to the surface.

    XOXO
    Robin

  4. zcher says:

    I remember looking at a pathology report after my surgery and thinking they could not be talking about me. I think your mind tries to protect you from certain realities. Just take one day at a time and keep dancing in your kitchen!

    • It’s kind of funny really, I mean I know what’s wrong, I’ve looked everything up, I’ve talked to lots of doctor’s, but seeing it written on paper just threw me for a loop. I wonder if it will always be there for nurses and doctor’s to see, if it’s because of the surgery. I will keep my head high, and my feet dancing! 🙂 At least until my surgery, after that I will be dancing in my mind!! ha.

  5. goldeygrad97 says:

    Been there…I still freak out when I see my diagnosis.

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